FREEEEEEEEEDOM

Free...Freedom...Freely. What is Freedom? Who is free? What does it take to be free?

My online dictionary says...Free-dom (n.): the absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action.

People fight for it. Some die for it. I think William Wallace (Braveheart) knows a little bit about Freedom. While watching this movie I long to believe in something this much. Right before he was headed to get tortured and beheaded he was praying to God in shackles, "I am so afraid.......give me the strength". While getting tortured and mocked all they wanted was for him to say mercy or to surrender and it would all stop, but as he looked at the faces in the crowd he caught the eye of a child. He was reminded of what he was suffering for in the face of a child. And then comes the scene FREEEEEEEDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM yelled from the depths of his soul. Guaranteed everyone in that crowd questioned what they believed in, what they were living for, and wanted what this man had after witnessing this heart cry in the face of opposition from all sides. The paradox is that the very thing he was fighting for was already his according to the definition above.

Check out the link to the clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hce-Xvp1gm8

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that someone else is more important than fear.

William Wallace is much like Jesus, but not perfect and didn't die for the sins of the world and didn't raise from the dead, but you know what I mean. William Wallace I should say is a man just like us (but a bit more chiseled), but believed in something so much that he was willing to die for it. I want to believe in Jesus so much that I am willing to die for him. I have been crucified with Christ in His death so that His spirit may live in me. The same Spirit that rose Christ from the dead is living in me right now!!! The same Spirit of the God Almighty is living in me!!! me?? mee!!! That is why I consider death to be gain, and to live is Christ!!! Since I am now not my own, since I have died with Christ and my sinful nature, I am free to live as Christ. I am free from being everything else that the world wants me to be, I am free from human approval and the need for success, I am free! Why do I feel so afraid? I am so afraid, but am comforted to know that throughout Scripture God reminded His children over and over:

Do not be afraid, take courage.

Do not fear for the Lord your God is with you.

Do not be afraid for I am with you.

Do not be afraid of them for I am with you and will rescue you.

Don't be afraid just believe.

The Lord is my helper I will not be afraid.

Be strong and courageous Do not be terrified Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go...

BUT PERFECT LOVE DRIVES OUT FEAR - 1 John 4:19

In James it says that Elijah was a man just like us....BUT....he prayed fervently. Elijah was scared, Moses was scared, Joshua was scared, Peter was scared...these great men of God had to be reminded by God to not be afraid, and they did that through prayer without ceasing, through clinging to a promise that their heavenly Father had made to them and acting on that promise in the face of all their fears! This is where they experienced the Truth itself...this is where they experienced the Living God working through their mortal bodies!! MIRACLES because they really believed in this God they were willing to risk everything for Him, they walked by FAITH and not by what they could see.

I had a dream the other night (no I'm not about to go MLK on you, don't worry) that I was in a concentration camp, and I was being forced to do things that I didn't want to do, I was a slave, and was tortured. Then I had found a way out of the camp and had escaped. I thought that I would feel free but I actually felt more a slave than ever. I could not relax and was in chains of overwhelming fear that I would get caught and have to return to the camp. I believe that this is what the Israelites felt when they escaped from Egypt and were headed for the Promised Land. They wanted to go back to slavery and had forgotten why they escaped in the first place, they had forgotten the place that they were headed, the place filled with milk and honey.

I have to remind myself daily of where I have come from and where I am going. Jesus has brought me from death to life, from darkness to light!! I am going to be standing in front of the Almighty God soon. Me! I am!? Heaven is not just some story or dream or made up place...it is real and I am going! I am going to worship my creator in a perfect heaven with perfect love where He is going to wipe away every tear, and there is going to be no more injustice, sin, and suffering!! I am now an alien in this land. I am not my own. This is not my home. The greatest mission ever given was from Jesus to His people, His Body, The Church..."you will receive POWER when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be MY witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth". AND so I will seek to overcome my day to day fears and be reminded of my brother in Christ who writes, "I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me, the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace".

I pray, O God, that I may know You and love You, so that I may rejoice in You. And if I cannot do so fully in this life may I progress gradually until it comes to fullness. Let the knowledge of You grow in me here, and there (in heaven) be made complete; let Your love grow in me here and there be made complete, so that here my joy may be great in hope, and there by complete in reality. Lord, by Your Son You command, or rather, counsel us to ask and You promise that we shall receive so that our 'joy may be complete.' I ask, Lord, as You counsel through our admirable counsellor. May I receive what You promise through Your truth so that my 'joy may be complete.' God of truth, I ask that I may receive so that my 'joy may be complete.' Until then let my mind meditate on it, let my tongue speak of it, let my heart love it, let my mouth preach it. Let my soul hunger for it, let my flesh thirst for it, my whole being desire it, until I enter into the 'joy of the Lord,' who is God, Three in One, 'blessed forever. amen'

-ANSELM

Inheritance

So here is the question to test whether you have been sucked in to this world's distortion of love: Would you feel more loved by God if he made much of you, or if he liberated you from the bondage of self regard, at great cost to himself, so that you enjoy making much of him forever?

As I allowed myself to get stabbed, tasered, and then dropped kicked by this question, I knew that that is exactly what God is trying to do in my life...to fix my distorted view of love! I was created to have an intimate relationship with the God of the universe, and He wants us to be one as Jesus is one with the Father. In order to do so I will have to stop fleeing from death and let the Spirit of the risen Lord continue to kill my flesh...ouch. I know I want some Shalom going on in my body and there is a real life battle going on in me that all starts in my mind, as Paul talks about in Romans. So what they say is true...boasting in the cross happens when you are on the cross.

Ok so why would I even want to get on this cross??? My Savior has shown me a mere droplet of His grace and truth and it has transformed my life. His Love is truly better than life. Yes, I continue to run and prostitute myself with sinful desires when I think that He is not good enough for me, but He is a God that is quick to forgive and longs to show compassion. The gospel has changed my life forever, it has sustained me, and will continue to make me look more like my Jesus.

"For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, wether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him."

-Colossians 1:16

Ok so I wanted to go ahead and explain that big part of me because I didn't do that in my first post. The picture on the top of my blog is right after I got baptized in the Pacific Ocean: an outward symbol of my inward change. Kate Hughes's life ended and Christ's life began in me! It just so happens that my bff that I am hugging in the picture, the back of her shirt reads "nada es impossible"...nothing is impossible!

So I thought that I would share this story, that my grandmother shared with me last week. I thought her story was a great representation of the relationship I have with my Maker. Ok so let me preface this so you can get a visual. My grandma is a very Italian, very Catholic, face grabber, who could literally tell stories for hours, even when no one is listening. She tells the same stories every time she comes to visit, and loves to sing 'the katie' song to me, and tries to teach me the jitterbug. She spent hours gasping over my mother's new silver candlesticks that she bought, and always knows the latest news on Tiger Woods. She has lost her hearing so I think she is fasting from listening all together, and now she just talks. Oh wow look at me I have gone too far once again. Anyway she lived in India for four years when my Mother was in middle school, and they had a servant that lived with them named John (I don't think that was his real name). But John became a dear friend, and he always worked so hard. He really loved my grandma and their family, and they really loved him. He had come from the slums of India and my grandma took him in, and would give him money to work for them, and he would send money back to his family every week. My grandma noticed a drastic change in John's temperament, and work ethic, and she finally asked him what was wrong. John grabbed his mouth and said that he was in extreme amounts of pain, he had wired his teeth together, and my grandma had looked and they were all infected. So without question my grandma took him to the hospital, the only problem was that the hospital didn't take people in from his class, and like I said before my grandma was a very Italian face grabber that got what she wanted, so she said "no you will take this man and take care of him because he belongs to me, and is part of my family". So they let him back and he had to have surgery. For some reason my grandma couldn't come to visit him, so she would wait outside the hospital for a certain amount of time each day to see if he was done. Finally, she saw John come out of the hospital, and right when John saw her, his eyes welled up with tears, he ran over to my grandmother, got down on his knees, and wouldn't stop kissing her feet, repeating how grateful he was. My grandma told him that he was her family now and of course she is going to take care of him because she loved him.

This story of my grandmother's compassion and her servant's gratefulness touched me deeply. I thought immediately of Jesus's compassion on me and my life. Of how He adopted me from my messy life in the slums, where I was poor, naked, hungry and He cleaned me up, clothed me in his righteousness, fed me with the bread of life, and made me a part of His family. Of the friendship that we have and the joy I get from being His servant. That He knows me and He knows when I am hurting and He wants to heal me as soon as I bring my brokenness out of the darkness and into the light. I think of His faithfulness and patience, how He waits for me, and is rich in mercy. And just like my grandma, but in perfect form, He did all of this just because of His deep love for me. That is it, not because he felt guilty, or because I got him a present for christmas (His son's birthday) so he thought he should get me a little gift, or because he thought I was kind of cute so he figured he'd let me shack with him for a bit, or because he wanted someone else to see how great he was, or because he did something bad earlier that day so he thought he'd do something nice for some random girl. No, He did it because that is who He is. He is the purest form of Love. He loves me because He loves me because He loves me. His nature is to love. And my reaction is total surrender, thanksgiving, praise, adornment, trust, awe, love, confession, repentance, joy. I'd like to think I would kiss Jesus's feet if I saw Him too!

"There is a quiet kind of joy, O Lord, that Jesus did both save us from our sin and show us how to love. His life, as you have said, was both a purchase and a path. He died for us, and now calls us to die with him. He took our poverty upon himself that we, in him, might have the riches of his heaven, and he calls us now to use our riches for the poor. He did not count equality with you a thing to grasp, but he made himself of no account and crossed an endless chasm between heaven and earth, so we might see what frontier missions means and join him in the final task. Is not this, then, the way we lay up treasure in your house-to give our money and ourselves to make as many rich with God forever as we can? A quiet kind of joy, I say, because of so much suffering. I cannot rise above the great apostle Paul who called his life a daily death and put it in a paradox: "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, yet possessing everything." Grant, by your almighty Spirit and your piercing Word, that we who name Christ as Lord would treasure him above our lives, and feel, deep in our souls, that Christ is life and death is gain."

-John Piper (prayer)

Let the Chase begin!

So, I have been wanting to start a blog for awhile now. At first I have to admit I thought they were a bit strange, but that is how my fondness for people and things usually begins so this is only natural. I'm getting more and more used to the twitter and facebook world but still feel a bit awkward and cheesy writing things out for everyone to see, but those are two things that I embrace these days, and almost proud to call them my friends...awkward and cheese, I bring them around with me wherever I go and they never let me down...I can always count on them to be there, I know I can tell them anything and they won't let me down...ok too far too far.

Anywho I want this to be a place for me as well as for you who read. Anyone anyone?...ok maybe just for me. I have called this blog "chasing the wild goose" for a reason. It is from a book I just read by Mark Batterson. The Celtic Christians had a name for the Holy Spirit- An Geadh-Glas, or 'the Wild Goose.' Much like a wild goose the spirit of God cannot be tracked or tamed. An element of danger, an air of unpredictability surround Him. This is what I am spending my life doing. A lot of times I have no idea what I'm doing or where I am going but that is the amazing adventure of following God on the narrow path He has laid out for my life. In Psalm 119:105 it says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path", this is a lamp that is tied to our leg so we can just see the step in front of us. Sometimes I want one of those beamers that cops have where you can see for miles (ps old creation Kate knows that it is impossible to run from those), but that is not how God wants us to live. I want to throw down my human securities and embrace God's perfect plan for my life! Planning is good don't get me wrong, but when we have planned everything out the way we want it to look with no room for God to work or no need for God at all then He won't.

The way you chase the wild goose isn't by going faster and faster. The key is slowing down your pace, taking off your sandals, and experiencing God right here right now. When you are chasing the wild goose you don't have to manufacture times to minister. In face, it seems to me as I read the gospels that most of Jesus' ministry is unplanned. Hurry kills everything from creativity to compassion. Spontaneity is an underappreciated dimension of spirituality. In face, spiritual maturity has less to do with long-range visions than it does with moment-by-moment sensitivity to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. And it is our moment-by-moment sensitivity to the Holy Spirit that turns life into an everyday adventure.

-M. Batterson

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. DO NOT CONFORM any longer to the patter of this world, but be TRANSFORMED by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing, and perfect will."

-Romans 12:1-2

I am in process, I am daily trying to by transformed by the renewing of my mind. I am daily seeking God and asking what He wants me to do and who He wants me to talk to. I have been praying about what God has for me and where He wants me to go with my passions and gifts, and what my passions even are. Questions I ask myself??

-What has God done in my life, and how can I use my past to change lives?

-What is my heart burdened for? What makes me more upset than anything else?

I have wrote a mission statement for my life. I don't know how it is going to flesh out but it is a start, and God can do what He wants with it:

I want to be a mother to God's lost and forgotten children.

Nothing tears my heart up more than knowing that there are little children all around the world that don't know what love is, that are neglected and alone without parents, without someone hugging them and telling them that they are beautiful and loved.

I don't know where this is going to lead. Maybe to an orphanage, maybe in foster care, maybe adoption. I know that it makes no sense to me to start having my own children when there are so many already here that need to be loved and cared for.

So as I delight in the Lord, I know that He will give me the desires of my heart because when I am seeking my Savior my desires are His desires!!! I know that this is not an easy chase that I am on and somedays I forget what I am running after and why, but I know that if it ever ended I would be lost. I know my purpose in life isn't to arrive safely at death. Paul's letter to the Philippians says it best:

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."